Not Long Ago, In a Galaxy Not So Far Away.....
My sister took me to see Star Wars Attack of the Clones (Summer 2002). We waited in line quite awhile, and I couldn't help but notice the college students dancing around and having lightsaber battles in the foyer of the theater. One of my sister's friends asked me who they were. I replied: "They are those who have fallen to the Dork Side of the Force."
I write this post as a warning to all. What could make some mother's child fall to the Dork Side? The Dork Side is subtle. It corrupts all it touches. The Dork Side takes cool thirty-somethings and twists them into something unrecognizable. First symptoms may include a lack of physical activity, fewer social activities, a lack of interest in activities once enjoyed, and general withdrawl from family and friends. If you recognize these symptoms in your sci-fi fan, seek help immediately before it is too late: If any of the below symptoms apply, your loved one's fall to the Dork Side is complete, and forever it will dominate their destiny....
1. A strong desire to return home to live in his mother's basement, turning it into a Jedi/SithTemple or some other imaginary setting.
2. A need to be seen in public wearing geeky sci-fi costumes instead of professional or street clothing (This isn't funny, as two guys dressed as Klingons were mugged in LA back in 1993. "Kaplah!").
3. She begins to seek out others of her own kind (conventions, comic book signings).
4. In his DVD collection he owns evey single episode of Babylon 5, Battlestar Gallactica, Stargate SG-1, and Star Trek. He misses deadlines and important events due to his fascination with these programs.
5. No sex life exists in any way, shape, or form unless you dress like a droid.
The following video shows what the Dork Side did to Tom Cruise:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4jo6KkFfIc
Always beware the Dork Side. It can and will corrupt anyone (Even if you're a 300-pound linebacker who has never eaten quiche, attended an opera, liked showtunes, or been to a Celine Dion concert). May the Force be with you. Always...
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Beware The Power of The Dork Side
Friday, September 26, 2008
The Glory of God is Intelligence (Not much glory going on 'round here!)
Don't you love it when you look into someone's eyes and see nothing there, no sign of intelligence anywhere? You might even get the feeling nothing is in a person's head but vegetable shortening. That or vanilla pudding. Have you ever felt this way too (if you have, give yourself 10,000 points)? My friends, I feel the problem goes right to the gene pool. There are three problems with the pool:
1. The gene pool doesn't have chlorine.
2. The gene pool doesn't have a lifeguard.
3. The gene pool doesn't have a deep end (In Arkansas when you get divorced, your wife ain't your sister no more either!).
What are we to do? My hope comes from the comedy film Idiocracy starring Luke Wilson (hilarious, but not for the kiddies). An Average Joe from the present travels into the future to find he is the smartest man alive (people became more ignorant and stupid each generation). He is put into government and fixes the world's crop problem by telling the White House to give plants water instead of Gatorade (Brawndo, the Thirst Mutilator). Eventually he starts to make a difference.
But the movie is fiction. Without chlorine, a lifeguard, or a deep end, what will humanity do in our reality? In the future will everyone eventually look like Sloth of Goonies fame (Baaaby Ruuuth)?
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