Silence....I Keeeel Yooou!

Achmed the Dead Terrorist is one of comedian Jeff Dunham's ventriloquist acts. Achmed doesn't even know he's dead. Worst of all, he's kind of lovable in his own twisted kind of way. Check out the clips below!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jA_ABcohuZ8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFDPR6hzUwI

Vikings...Dude They Knew How to Party!

What up homies?

Been a crazy week. Lots of things going on and a ton of stress all the way around (who doesn't stress these days). Economic concerns have quite a few people on edge for sure! Although we are lucky to live in modern times with all our technology and conveniences, part of me thinks back to my forefathers of old who lived differently.

A good portion of my ancestry ties back to Norsemen through Danes and Normans. They were tough, grizzled survivors who lived during tough times, but they also knew how to adapt. Better yet, they knew how to party!!!

Norsemen who went "a-viking" (raiding) got to do crap I would never get away with. Today if you are downsized you are expected to suck it up and "just deal with it." If a Norseman had a bad year on the farm, he and his buddies could hop in a boat, take a 3-day "roadtrip" across the North Sea, and steal whatever the hell they wanted. Some Danes even traded with cities before they raided them. That way they made a profit and then capitalized on their investment. They could even find wives this way! It was like the ultimate Vegas roadtrip! Do you think I could do that? Yeah...right. The whole "Judeo-Christian" ethics thing gets in the way every time.

They partied and drank mead all night. I surf the web and drink rootbeer all night. They went raiding across the sea, and I just need to pee. Need I say more....They're probably rolling around in their graves just watching me now.

Beware The Power of The Dork Side

Not Long Ago, In a Galaxy Not So Far Away.....

My sister took me to see Star Wars Attack of the Clones (Summer 2002). We waited in line quite awhile, and I couldn't help but notice the college students dancing around and having lightsaber battles in the foyer of the theater. One of my sister's friends asked me who they were. I replied: "They are those who have fallen to the Dork Side of the Force."

I write this post as a warning to all. What could make some mother's child fall to the Dork Side? The Dork Side is subtle. It corrupts all it touches. The Dork Side takes cool thirty-somethings and twists them into something unrecognizable. First symptoms may include a lack of physical activity, fewer social activities, a lack of interest in activities once enjoyed, and general withdrawl from family and friends. If you recognize these symptoms in your sci-fi fan, seek help immediately before it is too late: If any of the below symptoms apply, your loved one's fall to the Dork Side is complete, and forever it will dominate their destiny....

1. A strong desire to return home to live in his mother's basement, turning it into a Jedi/SithTemple or some other imaginary setting.
2. A need to be seen in public wearing geeky sci-fi costumes instead of professional or street clothing (This isn't funny, as two guys dressed as Klingons were mugged in LA back in 1993. "Kaplah!").
3. She begins to seek out others of her own kind (conventions, comic book signings).
4. In his DVD collection he owns evey single episode of Babylon 5, Battlestar Gallactica, Stargate SG-1, and Star Trek. He misses deadlines and important events due to his fascination with these programs.
5. No sex life exists in any way, shape, or form unless you dress like a droid.

The following video shows what the Dork Side did to Tom Cruise:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4jo6KkFfIc

Always beware the Dork Side. It can and will corrupt anyone (Even if you're a 300-pound linebacker who has never eaten quiche, attended an opera, liked showtunes, or been to a Celine Dion concert). May the Force be with you. Always...

Bail Me Out Unckee Sam!!!

Public Outrage Over The Bailout Plan:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26906502

The Glory of God is Intelligence (Not much glory going on 'round here!)

Don't you love it when you look into someone's eyes and see nothing there, no sign of intelligence anywhere? You might even get the feeling nothing is in a person's head but vegetable shortening. That or vanilla pudding. Have you ever felt this way too (if you have, give yourself 10,000 points)? My friends, I feel the problem goes right to the gene pool. There are three problems with the pool:

1. The gene pool doesn't have chlorine.

2. The gene pool doesn't have a lifeguard.

3. The gene pool doesn't have a deep end (In Arkansas when you get divorced, your wife ain't your sister no more either!).

What are we to do? My hope comes from the comedy film Idiocracy starring Luke Wilson (hilarious, but not for the kiddies). An Average Joe from the present travels into the future to find he is the smartest man alive (people became more ignorant and stupid each generation). He is put into government and fixes the world's crop problem by telling the White House to give plants water instead of Gatorade (Brawndo, the Thirst Mutilator). Eventually he starts to make a difference.

But the movie is fiction. Without chlorine, a lifeguard, or a deep end, what will humanity do in our reality? In the future will everyone eventually look like Sloth of Goonies fame (Baaaby Ruuuth)?

Aging

What's Up (The sky...DUH)!

Well, its finally happened. I'm getting white hairs (don't have much hair left anyway). Its just one more reminder that life comes at you fast. I lost my hair when I was 19, but its not the end of the world. As a teenager I was a total pretty boy. Having a shaved head and a goatee makes me look alot tougher then I did when I looked like Hayden Christensen (Anakin Sywalker in film). Looking like a thug has its benefits. I only hope and pray as time goes on I will age a little more like Sean Connery, and a lot less like that creepy Six Flags guy. Later!

Bigfoot Hoax

Another mystery I've pondered is the existence of Sasquatch (Bigfoot, Yetis, Wookies, or whatever you want to call them). Sasquatch are used for everything from family films to selling beef jerky on TV. Could an 800-plus lbs. animal evade science for this long (I doubt it since BYU co-eds sure couldn't)? Well, last month some rednecks out in Georgia claimed to have proof of the big guy. They claimed to have found a sasquatch in the woods dead, and gave the body up for testing. After testing, it was discovered that the creature was nothing more than a gorilla suit with 'possum guts tossed on for effect. Real funny guys.

If I had a bigfoot, I'd call him Chewie. It would be awesome to put on the gas on the freeway and say "Punch it Chewie!" (Graaar!)

But I digress. I think as with many paranormal things, Bigfoot is simply mistaken for another living thing. Some people believe it may be a black bear, But I believe differently. Maybe there was a 4th member of ZZ Top that got lost when the band toured the country in the 70's. Think about it: Bear-like, long beard, hairy all over? I think it is sick that nobody tries to help him. All alone in the cold, mistaken for a wookie. Sick.......

Are we alone?

Are we truly alone in the Universe?

This is a question people have pondered for centuries. I bring this up because of the so-called "alien" videotaped by a man in Colorado. Amazing. I never thought a cardboard cut-out could be so life-like. It isn't that I don't believe life could exist elsewhere (in fact most scientists believe life may exist on other worlds), I am just a bit skeptical that such life could travel to this world from another (4 light years to the nearest star). Having said that though, whenever I walk into a Walmart after 10:30 PM and look at some of the folks inside, I have to wonder if beings from another world exist. A post-apocalyptic film (think "Mad Max Beyond the Thunderdome" here) could be filmed in a Walmart after 10:30 PM. Plenty of mutants to go around. Scary stuff!!!

Oh......If I'm in Walmart after 10:30 PM, does that make me a mutant too? Or am I more frightening to them than they are to me???

Finally Bloggin'

Greetings,

This is the first time I've set up my own blog. Obviously I'm kinda new to all this stuff. I grew up in the 80's when technology was for the geeky kids. Now it is hip to be all "tech savy." Then again, I also had hair in the 80's. I looked like a friggin' Duran Duran reject!

Have a great night. I'll add more soon!